why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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