reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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