Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
