dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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