Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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