I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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