It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
