A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A bitchslap is in order.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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