you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
