A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
