hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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