My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
