Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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