am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
