remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
