i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
