Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
