she looked like the before picture.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
