We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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