my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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