what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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