dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
