I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
