If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
