what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
