You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
