Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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