So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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