It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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