i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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