Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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