theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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