Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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