Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
