he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
