Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
