Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You pole danced in your parka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
