I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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