he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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