After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
