oh god the rape fog is back!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
