white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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