BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
