And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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