He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
