i already hear my dad disowning me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
