so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
