I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
