The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
