Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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