new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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