I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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