Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if only i could text you this smell
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
