Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
