Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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