i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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