you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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