I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
