i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
