Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
