she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
