I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
