Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
