my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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