don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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