i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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