$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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