Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
